I may be 100% American, but I'm blessed to now know the ways of the English slang terms. Here's an easy guide to Cockney. :)


Baby Giraffe: half a pint of beer
bangers: Sausages
Banjaxed: Drunk or stoned
Barmy: A foolish person
Beef Bayonet: A playful name for 'penis'
Bell: A phone call
Bladdered: Drunk
Blag: Robbery
Blimey: Heavens!
Blower: Telephone
Bread Knife: Wife (As in, "I want to someday become your beloved "bread knife" darling)
Cabbaged: Tired or stoned
Cakehole: Mouth (as in "Shut your cakehole!")
Caned: Drunk or stoned
Charlie: Slang for cocaine
Chas 'N' Dave: A shave
Chip: To leave
Choking the Chicken: Male masturbatation
Chopper: Penis
Chuck Your Muck: Male orgasm
Chuffed: Happy, delighted
Cop-Shop: Police Station
Crikey: Same as blimey
Dosh: Money
Throw an Eppy: Throw a fit, as in epileptic seizure
Five Finger Discount: Shoplifting
Five Knuckle Shuffle: Slang for Male Masturbation
Full Monty: The whole lot
Gaff: House
Gob: Mouth (same as 'cakehole')
Gobsmacked: Surprised
Goolies: testicles
Gutted: Choked up, sad
Handy Shandy: Yet another term for masturbation
Jam Jar: Car
Johnny or Jolly Bag: Condom
Jublies: Breasts
Keep Your Pecker Up: Stay Positive
Kip: Sleep
Knackered: Tired, exhausted
Lairy: Loud, brash
Leggit: Run away fast
Lorry: Truck
Lost The Plot: Gone crazy
Meat and Two Veg: The male 'equipment'
Naff off: Go away
Natter: Chatter
Nipper: Small child
Pan Handle: Erection
Parky: Chilly
Piss Easy: Very easy
Piss Poor: Terrible
Pump Your Nads: Get you excited!
Rat Arsed: Drunk
Ruck: Fight
Scrike: Cry
Take the Piss: Joke
Top: Brilliant, excellent
Trog: Ugly girl
Wank off: Masturbate
Wanker: Idiot
Wicked: Cool
Zeds: Sleep